Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
