her vagine was all disorganized.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
