My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
