Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
