A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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