why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
