Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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