Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
