I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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