Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need a burrito and a hug.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
