:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
