so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize