dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
