I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
