Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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