Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize