Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize