You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
