I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
