You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This house was built for laser tag.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
