Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Four minutes until I can fart!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
