I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
