I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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