the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize