k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
