The maid of honor just puked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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