I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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