im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
