I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
