im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize