i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
