I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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