So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
