You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
