VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
