Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
