WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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