went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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