Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
