you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
