what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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