I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
