y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
