Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
