seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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