I cockslap morals
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
