You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
