two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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