Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
