he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
