I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
