i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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