oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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