he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I checked into jail on foursquare
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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