I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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