Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
