My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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