Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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