I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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