is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
