I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
