i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
