I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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