do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
