the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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