you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
