i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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