I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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