I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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