So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
